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Monday, 10 October 2016

It's a start!



After one week of bumming around, I realised a new struggle to make the best out of the day. Chilling or lazing around in itself made me realised how the day easily goes by. Honestly, there were moments that I did not enjoy it. It was too easy to fall into a black hole of unproductive habit, it was uncomfortable to take the first step into selecting a task to do and yet by not accomplishing anything I would end up feeling like crap. Late nights will easily creep in, late mornings is becoming a habit. Just like now, its 1 am and I am nowhere close to falling asleep. I am trying to make the best out of now by blogging.

The struggle is real, taking a break is definitely a learning process to go through. I have been reminding myself what was the REASON for this break. Why did I choose this route instead of staying back with a ready stability of a job. I think this is where I am learning to cultivate the focus. Realistically I may not be able to achieve a 100% of what I fantasized, but if I could achieve half of it and kick start at least another 20% I think I would be elevated to a different level of self achievement. Simply enough, it is about working on what you can do right now instead of dwelling what you did not do or could have done.

I had my grey moments during the past week, my need of constant human connection showed me how uncomfortable I am dealing with my own quiet moments. I had moments where I felt anxious and I started worrying about what am I doing, questioning myself. But it dawned to me that this is something I have never encountered and that it is OKAY to feel this way on my first week in my very own journey of Eat, Pray, Love ( I really hope so!). It was about reeling myself back and be rather sensible about the whole thing. Basically learning to not worry so much. 

The happy bubble I had the first few weeks when I first got back only lasted that long, after that real life just happened. Situations and emotions that I did not like to face made its presence. I am still figuring out how to deal and overcome it. Could I just split myself to like 8 so I could deal with each challenges individually, work on self improvement and also maintain a healthy social life while earning a living. Can one really have it all? 

With all this being said, I know that I am tremendously lucky and blessed to be able to even have the capacity to do any of this. To have the chance to take time off, to spend time with my parents, to have the opportunity to work on anything that I want. It's important to remind myself that there is everything to feel grateful for.

I'm confident that I could make the coming week much more enriching than the last. I think a good tip would be to roughly plan my day ahead and never ever switch on the tv the first thing in the morning! :P

xoxo
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