I can't silence my thoughts, hence the need to withdraw or escape. In other words,the constant thought to take a vacation. Bits of conversation, opinions, moments, flashbacks, emotions, scenarios tossing together like mixing ingredients in a salad bowl. A handful of Romaine lettuce, some cherry tomatoes, cucumber, chopped up red onions and oh! not to forget the dressing... French Dressing if possible.
It tires me greatly.
A moment of peace is needed. Even diving is a moment of peace for me, because I concentrate on the situation and nothing else. I am in the moment, I am present. My mind steers towards diving lately because it gives me peace, it is something new and exciting that I want to pursue. It gave me some sense of achievement and I felt at peace. A new hobby.
Listening to instrumental mixed with electronic music helps, where words aren't needed. The music to tune out the mind, bringing it somewhere else and I almost aimlessly type this out.
After reading a short article about how we are all part of energy, how some places or situations absorbs energy and how some places energizes you instead of draining it. I really believe it, after all... energy cannot be destroyed, only transferred. A lot of man made things are energy absorbent like shopping malls, electronic devices and places like nature will energize you instead. Two months here can drain me as long as 6 months or more.
What can I do to change that?
Something that energize me, something that comes naturally. To find and to be in my element. Boosts you rather than sink you.
I have put myself in this situation, it was my choice. Unknowingly of how the situation was and how it affected me. The way now, is to take myself out. To make that choice of my own. It's all about choices is it not? Not all decisions made have great outcomes. Another phase in my life that puts my mental and emotional strength to the test. This is the 3rd major one in my life so far, not accounting for the mini obstacle courses.
The saying goes," it doesn't get easier, you just learn to handle it better".
As long as I don't turn bitter, I will keep getting better.