A new mindset =)

Was just thinking about it today, and unknowingly I am back in Jakarta for about a week now. Just last week I was enjoying my time back in KL, dreading the day that I have to fly back here. Office and plant was closed for 1 1/2 week excluding weekends.

It was pure bliss :)

I went back with an aim, I had a list of what I wanted to do, even though I could not complete my list but I felt as though I managed to achieve the gist or the objective and the best part was, I felt enlightened by this trip back. I gained more perspective than I thought I would. It was better than what I expected. 

Basically, what I intended was to do or try something new, it was quite challenging, but this opportunity to be able to be home for such a long duration was my motivator as time was so precious! The freedom and knowing I am in control of my own situation revived me, it hit me that something in that essence is what drives me. 

Anyway, thought I should list out what were the things that made me happy, just so whenever I refer back to this post I could remember the good times! 

  1. Committed myself and focused in spending quality time with my parents (3 whole days since they had off days too!) Really appreciated the time with them, it made it even harder for me to leave home again. 
  2. Had conversations with my parents that I have never had before! (inspired by a post on Facebook really, it had a list of questions to interview your parents before its too late) With time and age, I realised the conversations we usually have with people around us aren't what I think as True Conversations. We get so bogged down by the daily commitments that we are not able to just seat down and talk through our thoughts, sharing experience, enlightening one another. 
  3. Spent time in a cafe alone and with a book. Did this twice! (this was one my list for the longest time)
  4. Bought flowers for my mum and brighten up the house.
  5. Chilled with my parents until mid-night in Starbucks.
  6. Treat my whole family to lunch
  7. High tea in Majestic hotel with parents :)
  8. Tried to engage in a conversation with a cute barista. (gosh this was quite daunting for me! I'm usually a 'go with the flow' kinda person..but this time my nerves got the better of me) 
  9. Had a really long and almost serious conversation with a 5 year old girl with some cray cray imagination
  10. Met up with an old friend, and I'm glad to be able to rekindle that friendship again.
  11. I man'ed up and went for that over due dentist appointment (felt so independent!)
  12. Talked to people, and listened to what they have to say, it opened my mind and honestly I couldn't ask for anything better. It quickly made me re-evaluate the situation and myself.
I find myself doing things for people out of love rather than because I felt responsible. The feeling was entirely different, and the best part was it was something unusual and yet it felt perfectly normal. It was really special. I think that was one of the few things I felt proud of. 

Of course with all those things done, there was a couple of things that I did manage to squeeze it in, but in due time I would be able to get it check off my list. Overall, I'm pleased with the outcome, it helps that I did not need to do work over the week. I should appreciate it before I loose it!

But it was really difficult, the last 3 days before I had to fly back, that uneasy and unsettling feeling was horrible. It brought me back to dark days back in college when I dreaded going back to the apartment. I felt like crying but tears would not appear, and I fear that once I start crying I would not be able to stop. By Friday, I was already crying on my own wondering why do I put myself through situations like this. I felt so reluctant to leave it behind, and I stumbled on a quote which allowed me to appreciate the moment. It was somewhere along the lines of, be grateful that you have things that meant a lot to you and allows you to miss it. 

Nothing is every permanent, we are ever growing and ever changing. New things await us, if that is what fate has in plan for us. It's not about climbing that ladder anymore, it is about what sort of quality I would like to achieve. 

Basically, that was about it, as brief and as informative as I could describe it. Now I'm back and just taking things as it is, just come what may. =)

Off to bed now! Cheers!

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