Tick tock tick tock.
Time is ticking away.
I'm suppose to be in bed right now, I was and then I woke up because it was too hot and I started sweating. I went from extremely optimistic and positive yesterday to a downward spiral of feeling negative and unhappy today. More accurately right now. So I switched on the air conditioning to make myself feel at ease and decided to start blogging to turn something negative into something positive. It was a choice between drawing a Giraffe, blogging or eating. Last option was a definite no although I did snacked on some crisps.
Too many thoughts in my mind, I started becoming aware of them in hopes to start blogging and to form smart opinions on small matters I go through everyday to jot down my thoughts. Days turned into weeks turned into months and finally I am typing again. I can't help but feel happy, so I'll take that as a good sign and considered today as pretty productive.
My aim for this week is to start blogging, draw a Giraffe, go to Ikea to check out some furniture for my room, washing my car and prepare for my own "Magic Shifters"(something I read from The Secret). Looking at the bright side, today was pretty good, went out to get my summons paid; cost me RM20, went with dad to get herbs and I got yoghurt and cookies out of it. Got my car washed, searched for Giraffe pictures and here I am blogging. All in all, I would say it is pretty darn good considering the fact that I slept a whole lot as well.
Here comes the part that I want to talk about but have difficulty talking about it. To me it feels so taboo. But I want to get rid of that perception, I want to make this whole process easier and a less sensitive topic to touch on. Yet, it is still a big deal, right now it feels like my life depends on it and I am wondering how to get the pressure of me. Because the stress of it, the whole process is pushing me away from getting it done. To the point that writing it down on a "To Do" list feels horrible and I avoid doing so.
In the span of two days, I have gotten three reminders. This is a sign, a clear blatant sign telling me right to my face. So why is it still so hard to for to take the first step again? It is all about experience, exposure and perception outwardly and inwardly. My experience and exposure on this matter. My perception towards myself and towards things being said to me. Conclusion? I feel so darn pressured.
All I have to say is that I am going to keep my composure and trust me I will get there. Wherever "there" is, I will get there. This situation I am in, it is just a transition phase. It may take some time, knowing me but I'm learning and catching up. This 'in between' thing I am in is just preparation for something greater.