A few updates before rambling off what is bothering me right now. Had a review last week. Finally got that done, back to studios and Easter is coming. Lots and loads to do. It's coming to an end real soon and I am going to say I am not looking forward to the end yet but am glad and excited another journey would begin from there. :D
Anyway, been having some blue days, a bit moody for reasons that I cannot put my finger on. It sort of got better and then sometimes some situations just happened, and it's not how I would like things to turn out. I feel that it's easy to understand, easier than accepting. You just need to have reasons to understand. If the reasons are acceptable then it's easy to understand but to accept is a different thing isn't it? Just because I understand something does not mean I accept it, and even if I choose to accept it, that does not mean I like what I accept. It's not wrong to accept, because most of the time, it is necessary.
It is sometimes difficult to make judgement on a situation. It all ties back to what are the reasons, what are the preferences or the majority. It also boils down to WHAT you allow yourself to decide on.
I just wish I could say I don't know and the matter just resolves and disappear. But no, whether big or small, I have to face it. I may be a selfish person right now, and it may be that I am wrong, and I probably have to be more understanding and look at it from another person point of view. But at one point or some point of a situation, I just want to express," why can't I be selfish?" Everyone else seems to be doing it, and if I can accept other people's wants, preferences over mine why can't others accept mine?
=/ I don't know, it seems a bit long to elaborate about what is wrong but I'm lazy to write it out. Might as well just type it out.
My mind feels a bit squashed at the moment.
I'm not going to dwell on it anymore, I just wish I have like extremely loud techno music blasting into my ears so that I don't hear myself think, but let the beat of the music just take away this annoying feeling. Drown it all till I feel okay again, until tomorrow comes.
Okay, scratch that. I do not want loud techno music anymore, my mind feels squashed that any music too loud just gives me a headache.
It's a good thing I'm going to London tomorrow. Give myself some time away to just do whatever. Go with the flow, and come what may. I'm ready for you.
This is growing, this is another process of understanding. This is a process of accepting what I'm feeling.