Been awhile since I updated or rambled. Talk about lack of enthusiasm, I have update nothing about Spain and that was a month ago! I did not even bother about Chinese New Year, blogging didn't seem necessary and life just goes on.
Classes are starting on Tuesday, I know I'm suppose to feel excited, but I am not. I would describe it as blank, emotionless, unenthusiastic. This somehow worries me, and I'm starting to feel insecure about "going with the flow". How long can one go with the flow, following a direction that knows no end. When there is no "end", how can I "begin"? Big questions that I have no answer for =(
Not to mention, I'm "testing" myself by not doing my work, it's frustrating. Can't explain the feeling, I just somehow refuse to do it. And yes, I know I'm suppose to motivate myself to do it. For once, what if I failed? What if I actually not cared? Will I be a failure?
I just feel frustrated. Funny thing, I can't pin point where this frustration is coming from.
I need to work this off somehow. Exercise, sweat...something. This emotion is so unhealthy, I feel disgusted. I don't want to spiral down with this emotion. Asking questions like what is the point of all of this, feeling sick that we have to conform to society. Yet not conforming to society is also a way of conforming to society, seeing that this is whats going on now.
This coming month of February, my aim is to bring back the enthusiasm, at least some form of motivation. Passion or just the interest of doing something. No more of this lifelessness. Nothing is worst that feeling lifeless and disliking yourself for it.
One step at a time... and with a whole lot of positivism!
It will all come back and work out in the end.