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Monday, 21 November 2011

Thoughts

Epic picture. Definitely a Laugh out Loud kind of picture. I love and hate my expression.
I thought it will be easy, but it's not. It never is, and it never will. If it is easy, I doubt it means anything.  I'm a person who thinks and I think a lot; too much in fact. Sometimes (most times) I have no control over it and it could overwhelm me. So last night, I think I went over board until I literally have to tell myself STOP. Chose different key words and repeat them in my mind and out loud until it took effect. 

I hope everyone is doing fine. Picture of my WHOLE family. The only one I have that has everyone in it. 
The thing that bothered me the most is whether there is regret.  I don't have, but I wished things would be better.  But I can't change the past, I have to ACCEPT.  Accepting and letting go are probably the hardest things to do. Saying is one thing, doing it is another. Well I don't know if it applies to other people, but this applies to me and I'm pretty sure everybody else goes through this, only difference is at what level. Some have the power, yes I really mean power to go ahead, move on and not be bothered by it.  Why don't I have such powers? It would do me some good to have a capability to do that. All I know, it takes a long time and a lot of 'thought control' for me to move on.


Watched a movie called Like Crazy about a week ago. I admit, it's not a good movie, but I can't help but liking it. It is because, how it made me feel.  Made me wonder if such things are possible. Plus it does not help that I'm a sucker for love movies. =) Love movies for me are like fairy tales for kids. You wish they are real and somehow believe they are real and it would happen in real life.  They should really take away love movies from me, feeds my soul but hurts my reality.  Probably why I'm still single until now =P not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong. 

Good advice. Honesty and openness
I'm back to writing my blog about how my day/week went and what I feel and thought. Seems to suit my mood for now, so I'm just going to go along with it. I'm not really good with expressing face to face, and I don't have the habit of doing that.  I get nervous and words does not come out right. What I say, and what I meant to say does not seem to tally. I cannot get the message across. Maybe it is the expression on peoples faces, or in my case, the fact that I have no idea what the response from the other person would be. Or I would imagine some sort of response and it's worse when I it's not what I thought it would be.

I'm rambling away again, it gives me some sort of sick relief.  It calms me down. Something to concentrate on yet being able to express it out. Meh..Sometimes I really think I am odd, seriously.  But I'm slowly starting to reconfigure that thought into saying that makes me who I am and I'm loving it. I'm just going at my own pace. 
A very misty morning
So yeah, two months of taking it easy and now I'm starting to get worked up. With what is going through my mind, what's going on with my dissertation, current on going project and the upcoming final year project, tell me how am I going to survive? By handling it one thing at a time :) Fingers crossed that it works! Come what may, and settle it the best way I can at the given moment.

xoxo

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