It's all too new
By coming here, and meeting people from the same homeland, has opened my eyes to something new. Perhaps more subconsciously rather than consciously. But it feels so different, the sudden freedom is so tempting towards the brink of uncontrollable. If I were to be here perhaps one or two years ago, I probably would not be able to handle it. Now, I have a responsibility and a target so it's just trying to balance it all. Learning to think for yourself, think for others. It doesn't feel so bad because it gives me the feeling of something like I'm in control of what I'm doing.
Easier said than done. Everything is an trial an error. It feels like we have no choice but to do it but that was the choice we opted for from the beginning.