you've got every right for a beautiful life

don't be too hard on yourself...

saying is easy, actually feeling it and doing it is a lot harder. it's not easy to believe again. i think i understand how trust is hard to gain back if it was lost. but one must try no matter how...if you trusted yourself before and experienced it before, then you must try to get that trust back. it can happen but you must allow it to happen. 

i need you to believe again. if you don't believe then what is the point of creating a life for yourself. no denying how hard it is...but think, try to feel how worth it, it will be.

if something makes you down, feel worried or doubt, please think twice, thrice or even quadruple times if you have to; think about where is this feeling coming from, is it concrete? or just a figment of self doubt... in between those amount of times you're thinking through, find any ounce of possibility or positivity from it. like it is a good thing instead of a bad thing and reflecting all that negativity towards you.

like that phone call...it is actually something good. people are not judging you, please don't think that you are not good enough...you've had that feeling long enough. it's time to have a different outlook on yourself. 

i know you tend to feel judgement because of what went wrong in the past... it's difficult to break down that habit. it really is...hard cold fact is..sometimes or maybe most of the time people don't give a damn about you... some people are just interested in the drama and you got caught in the wrong drama.

you have much to offer and your life isn't over yet. just look around you....be proud of who you are, just cause you can. there is no need to justify that you deserve to feel good about yourself. or that you need justification to feel happy. 

i'm so sorry to have to write this out in public, but maybe it is necessary...one day you can look back and who knows what is your reaction or what your feelings will be. maybe by that time you would have overcome this, perhaps you found a solution, if so then great. i really do hope so for your sake. you can look back and smile at your triumphant in over coming one big hurdle in life. it may be a major hurdle in this lifetime of yours or it might be a minor one as comparison to what you may have to overcome in the future...i wouldn't know. I'm no predictor, only the future you will know.

for now, fret not on what nasty situations you'll get yourself in...just please please please find yourself. even a glimpse of it is better than none. just let go of that heavy burden you put on yourself, free from self doubt and indulge in feeling happy. i know you want to so badly...just have to let go some things, forgive truly forgive and accept.

saw this video from justin's blog. felt so right to listen to it now..