It feels like I'm married to ID in MIA. But not in the fairytale marriage you know. Where we're blissfully in love and everything is so warm, fuzzy and cosy.. Not even close. Well there are some moments of warmth...SOME only. It turned out to be an unbalanced marriage....of two years!
The falling in love part was great which is during foundation. hahaha good memories
So soon, I'm filing for a temporary separation or divorce until we actually fall in love again.
For these 2 years, this marriage have taught me a lot but it also has taken away a whole lot of other things. It's like all those stories you've seen and heard, two lovers got married (which is represented by me and I.D) Fell in love and got married ( Committing to I.D), have children (outcome which are my work) and the mum(i guess that would be me because I.D has no face) just gives too much of herself until she looses her way and her own in the midst of it all. You know like mums who sacrifices so much and keep on giving to others but not loving herself then it all shows in the physical outcome like the looks,health and the spiritual part like the emotion etc.
Okay, this referencing is all based on watching a lot of Oprah shows.
If I don't find myself, or give myself what I need first (in other words love myself) how am I suppose to be ready to contribute to what I do? If I'm feeling emotionally disturbed and not very happy I'm sure it could be seen with my work. Believe me..I've been through it.After all that, you feel like you're so drained out, only cuz you devoted your time and energy towards calming/contemplating/questioning/blaming etc towards that emotion. Worst of all you feel inadequate.
So based on circumstances and a whole lot of other stuff that I won't bother saying because a lot don't face it. In the end, it wasn't as amazing as it should be. I am or rather soon to be was in a failing marriage until I actually decide to do something about it.
Glad that it's going to finish...This temporary separation is VERY MUCH NEEDED! I already have a my marriage counselor on speed dial!
So for now the marriage is on the rocks, but doesn't mean it won't get better. Who knows this temporary separation might do some good. Like they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. hehe
Taking this like a marriage because I feel so tied down to it until I give way to others things like healthy lifestyle. Not to mention the weight gained, Pimples popping,
being single =X, feel so unhealthy and unenergized. ewww! It's not a bad thing, how else would I know the things that I didn't know about unless I go through them.
So it's a good thing! (in a way) =)
6 days and counting.