Looking back, I've always been lucky. No matter what the circumstances, opportunities or situations, lady luck was on my side. I actually felt like in the end it is going to be okay. Maybe its that feeling that brings the luck. I also feel that I've always had some help in one way or another. A lot of people do, and maybe some don't.

Now, I could ask for it but I chose not to. It's a choice and a decision. Help was offered but it didn't feel right, I am not so sure. Against whatever integrity I was feeling I suppose and besides, I've been through a situation like that and it didn't turn out well. Decision was based on that with a mixture of phobia.

So now, this year, this term is a little bit more different than usual on a few levels which won't be elaborated for the time being. Now I feel like it's between giving an amazing outcome and to overcome one's struggle and to feel that sort of independence. If you asked me which do I want, I would say I want both. But fortunately and unfortunately I am to face the fact that at this point neither I am talented enough nor capable enough to provide that kind of outcome that I would be satisfied with. So I have to choose....and I've chose.

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in the end it will be okay. If it is not okay then it is not the end

if you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same.

bummed out about yesterday's critic but life has to go on. I'm so glad to have the chance to laugh again. It's been so damn long. =) 

don't really wish to go through it right now, it makes me think too much and worry even more. 

but I have to perservereeeee!
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