*thinking of a way to write this and to start this post*
I'm in need to vent. Pour out my soul only to drink it back again.
Things are not up in the air lately or maybe it is because of my own doings. Been trying to find ways to solve whatever stuff that has been going on which has been going on for a long time. I'm so glad to say that it's been going on well. But it never stays the same you know, and it is disappointing to feel what work once couldn't work again.
Well, only if you believe it won't work right?
I am not going to post up negativity or self pity, it's for a change, might as well post up something that leaves a direction that leads me somewhere better.
When things are going smoothly, it's hard to just indulge in it in fear of loosing that bliss. I'm wondering whether am I going to have enough strength to withstand it all again if it ever happens. The insecurity sucks. But to be so cautious and never really enjoy it, it is sad. Not for others but for me. Some might say that a decision like this is so simple. I feel like yes, that is true...without even thinking you could decide what is best for you at that moment in time. I need practice, it's been so damn long since I know what decision to make that I've forgotten what it feels like to just make one and be fine with it. It's like falling of a bike and hurting yourself real badly that you are not sure if riding that bike again would be safe.
I'm feeling disappointed, so how do I deal with it? I'm feeling worried...but it can be solve so stop worrying. I'm feeling scared/nervous... I think it's normal to feel that way because it's something that I take seriously. I don't feel it is fair... well, that is something I have to accept at some point at some level. Just keep reminding yourself of your views and opinions.
So whats left for me to do, is trust, love, enjoy and keep on going with it, with me, with life... how else could I deal with it? One will never learn until they hit a few bumps...and if a that few bumps need to be repeatedly hit means they have never learn..not yet.
=) trust it. It will be okay and even better it will be great!