Take Charge and Move Forward

I just watched a movie and I felt this overwhelming emotion that came to me. My heart starts racing, as though I am feeling nervous. I can feel the heart beating against my chest. Well the movie was a musical and mind you it's not High School Musical. It was FAME. I like watching movies like these, I enjoy them. 

Here I am, typing these words out just to calm myself down and wondering if it is a mistake to write it in my blog  about the things I want to write and express. Funny thing, it is a blog for me to share my views and yet I'm ever so cautious about what I write out here. But I figured, these days people don't like reading blogs, they rather see pictures, reviews, tweets, Facebook statuses etc. So if I'm going to type out a bunch of words that has no picture reference, then people might not bother. 

Sometimes I prefer typing rather than writing because 1. it's less aching to the fingers, 2. Words and sentences form rather more fluidly than writing. 3. if you write wrong all you have to do is DEL or BACKSPACE. =)

Okay, back to the point of where this post is heading.

I just finish reading The Secret and a novel by Jodi Picoult titled Vanishing Act. Beautiful story indeed, I stayed up till 5 am just to read finish the book. So right now my mind is aware about how important it is to feel happy, to be happy to be in the state of happiness so that all things can go right and how you want your life to be. I could honestly tell you that I am a little confused and unsure because before now I am aware. When I am aware of what I am feeling, it doesn't necessarily mean that I am able to control it. Besides when someone tells you that it's unhealthy to feel negative emotions because it brings negative things into your life, you would automatically say "I'm feeling great! (add a great big smile and a thumbs up)" But are you feeling so great? So it would mean that it is not your true feelings that you are going true, which in turn become a resistant because you are not accepting what you are actually feeling.

I learnt that from a fellow colleague whilst I was going through my internship about 5 months ago. It's a very helpful lesson, which is to accept. To accept and know that it is okay to be who we are, it is okay to be sad, disappointed etc

Anyway, I am glad that I finally got to finish reading the Secret....*phew!finally!* I started reading the book when I was in Form 5. Well no, it didn't take me that long but after a couple of pages I just stop because I didn't feel like continuing. I felt like it's too much for me to handle. 

Give it a year ago, I started reading again and this time I got even further as I was in major need of help, and I stopped again because it wasn't what I was looking for. Again, I couldn't handle the fact that I have to be so aware of what I'm feeling.

This time, I managed to finish the book from where I left off. It is a bit harder to read, unlike a novel because as you read, it is as though they are telling you what you're going through now it not what it seems. As in, the reason or how we got here. I'm a tad confuse because I have things in my head that I learnt from other people, other books, quotes etc. I know that somewhere there is common ground with all these teachings. At the same time, I had something going on which I just started to try about a month ago. Like some sort of thing I hold on to..a "semangat"  It's hard to explain out of the blue and in plain words. I am not exactly sure what it is.

All these are overwhelming, and I want to know myself even more. But how does one know that? I watched movies, I watched interviews(gossip channels), I've seen people that showed me that. I just need to feel it too and be on that road to take charge and move forward. 

Alright. Done for now. 

byee~