How should I start this?
Well, it's already December and yes you can see the Christmas vibe around. Everywhere you go, people will be holding DSLR's, Digital Camera's, iphones, whatever phone that could take pictures, analogue cameras*cough* snapping pictures with Christmas decorations that are just oh-so-sparkly and pretty
or downright unpleasant but may or may not evoke the true Christmas Spirit.
My holidays just began roughly about a week ago. Well basically I should be doing my homework and you have no idea how many times I have repeat that sentence. I'm back home, being the queen of the couches sitting in front of my long lost lover, the television. All I lack is a crown.
I would say that 2010 is indeed quite a year.
I moved in to a new place, at first I planned to find a single room but somehow I ended up moving out with my classmate and sharing a room with her. Really unexpected. Made new friends, which are my soon to be ex-house mates. I actually stayed out for a whole year :D
I went through some really tough ordeals this year when I wasn't even healed from the last one yet. It was like re-living my nightmare. Now I really know how the bullied feels like. It's tough being in a place where you don't fit in, either because everyone don't get you and also you don't understand yourself.
From there, it was like spiraling downwards, self esteem wise, confidence, assignments, everything! you name it. I was a mess! My self-esteem and confidence level is already low since upper secondary(or maybe earlier) imagine not being able to face anything or have any confidence at all.
So I tried, work on "healing" myself..I had loads of help and support from so many people. Sometimes these people don't realised that they have helped me. A lot of moments where they are not giving me advise or whatsoever but more of how I observe them in situations etc that taught me a lot.
With all the downside that was going on..there were many UPs too =)
As I said, this year is quite a year. From singing out loud while my housemate was sleeping to first time being an intern. Which was great =) though yes, I could feel tremendously bored at times but I had a lot of "first time" while I was in training..like going to a club? haha Drinking with my colleagues. It was awesome. This was also the year that I went for a Boys Like Girls concert! gosh..awesome!
I discovered a new interest which was analogue photography or lomography. I'm not a good photographer but I hoped to be!
My mini dream came true when I applied and got the chance to go to Japan for 3 AMAZING weeks! For a student workshop. That was one of the highlight of this year an experience that I'm so so so glad and grateful to have!
All these opportunities were great to me cuz it was a chance for me to see something different and to help me heal at the same time.
But when I came back from Japan, I was worried cuz it meant that I have to be around situations, environment and people that I'm most familiar but not necessarily comfortable with. Which means I have to be prepared for another mental attack.
Which did happen and I was again into dwelling and almost spiraling down. But at one point, thanks to talking to my family, and consulting a friend. Which somehow woke me up and here I am until now. I'm happy, I learning, I'm growing and hopefully I could find what it is that I'm actually looking for.
So for now, I'm going to just be happy to be me. I have to work somethings out, a few kinks here and there but nonetheless I should be happy for me. I'm learning, trying to accept that. Perhaps next year's goal would be a different one.
ahhh..loads of babbling.