Another long post

So what's my decision this time? 

I just keep telling myself, it's a learning process. Whatever shit happens, the decision was mine and as long I learn something from it. No one is to be blamed. I'm oddly calmed right now but yet worried at the same time. Fear of being in the same situation, where I am left there to get shot with no armour whatsoever.

Life is unfair. Life is REALLY unfair. Sometimes I wish all of these never happened just so I could blindly go through it, so that I don't have to go through this feelings. But think again, resistance is what make us stronger, get to know ourselves better. 

Nothing is perfect, everything has weakness. The reason why we think it's perfect is because of it's flaws. 

I admit, I am worried. But worried for the wrong reasons. I keep forgetting that after this there is a whole new world to see and this not the end. So even though, I may end up crappy here...maybe, just maybe things would look a little brighter. The grass on my side might even start to grow flowers. Who knows. 

But at the mean time, I still have to go through it, I still have to survive, I still have to endure. 

Just do it and show it and be done with it. Simple, can't allow those thoughts to linger because it will waste my time. Bring me to unhappy, uncertain, unsafe places... The negativity I feel and send out will in turn reflect back to me. Putting myself in to unhappy, uncertain and unsafe places. 

Writing those make me feel better for some reason. Typing out the words of how I feel helps me think clearly.

Untangle the mess I made in my own head. 

I was suggested to take Interior Design. But later on found out that I could take Graphic Design or Interior Design. I also found out I might be more suitable for Graphic Design. Some say I could take up Journalism too.Ahh so what should I take? What do I want to take?( yes, I know I'm already in Interior Design) well..Sounds like I could take everything!! cool huh..Seems like that but it isn't like that. 

 But the world wants something. That name, that glamour, that impression. All of these blinds us from what we truly want. But we don't know what we truly want either, why is that so? The education system planted that dead system in the minds of our young generation. Both the society and the system contributed to the "now" us. It's a whole circle. 

Parents want the best for the children. Good result, good impression, talent..etc etc..even with art it must be pretty,beautiful,realistic. If you don't get A you're weak. Children are pressured, getting A is everything! What about jolly old good fun? Gone. What is trendy now?  that is what is fun. 

School, teach to memorize, spoon feed.. Tells us in order to get to D you have to start from A, get to B and C then only you can get to D. Instead of teaching us and equipping us with the skills that would help build a stronger self. Finding our own way to get to D. 

We're just puppets. Waiting for a pull or a push. When are we going to be our own puppeteers of our own lives? 

I need to get out and mix more!