a person thinks about 60 000 thoughts a day

I'm really feeling reluctant to go back to go back to the condo tomorrow. But I have to prepare myself what's going to come! I should be happy~~ college is starting and I get to see my friends again. But I'm going to miss home.. A LOT. I really never realised I would be the type who would be super homesick. hehe

I felt pretty daring the other day. I went to Mid Valley all on my own, on Friday. I don't know why I wanted to go there alone. Just to try how it feels I suppose, haha (you must be thinking that I must have got nothing better to do) Emily said she might meet up with me cuz she needed to get something..but in the end she joined her friends to 1Utama. It was cool with me, I was prepared for that. hehe I think she might be bored of MV too...I chose MV partially because I really wanted to go to Borders.

*yikes, I'm not feeling too well right now...=(*

Anyway, I wanted to make some "observation" which personally I think I failed terribly. But I did realised some things so I guess it's a bonus in some ways. I think it feels really weird to be there all by myself for fun. It would be less weird if I had a purpose of being there, like I needed to get something. I did not feel like shopping, I don't want to spend money on clothes at the moment(I know! I must have lost my mind! ). I just felt like seeing things. I wanted to experience something different.

Honestly, I don't know what is up with me. I thing that at this age...we're all messed up in the head. Or maybe it is just me, everything (well almost everything) is so confusing...I'm always wondering why do I feel in such a way, or why do people think like that...why this? why that? I asked my dad, he said yes, at this age, it's like that. Talked to my high school art teacher, she told me the same thing.

Yes, well at first I really didn't like the feeling of being there alone. Dahlar I had some trouble finding parking. I had to parked on the top and I was worried and sceptical, I was worried that I would be there until night and that the area wouldn't be properly lit so it wasn't safe. I just parked there anyway.

I felt really sad actually that I had to eat alone. T_T One thing I dislike was eating alone outside. If I'm home I don't mind. Another thing I can't stand is seeing people eating alone. I couldn't decide what to eat. I don't want to spend my money on some fancy smancy place. Want to know why?:

  • I don't have that kinda money and I don't want to spend that kinda money

  • Eat in a fancy smancy place alone? no thanks..

and plus, I think it's overrated. People go out, it's like a must go place to eat...for what? I somewhat feel that is unecessary.. So in the end, I chose to eat at some sandwich place. JJ sandwiches or something. Not many people, but still there are people. Chose a healthier meal.. and I sat there alone, having my meal and I see people around me.

I realised that, yes, it's good to have people around you. We learn more and life will be a little bit more colourful and a little bit more rhythmic when there is people around you. But it's okay to be alone, it's okay to do things alone. Everything does not always have to be in two's or three's. I'm thinking there, what's the big deal of eating alone? it doesn't mean you don't have friends..it just means you are having a meal alone. Simple as that. I also saw how materialistic people are now...Well it's true, times have changed, our quality and standard of life have changed. I don't deny that I'm one too.. I am a part of this materialistic world. If we're stripped of all these "accessories" what's left of us?

It was a long day, in the end most of my time was spent in Borders. That was also an awkward moment because I know I wanted to get some books to read. Like really good books to read, the past few I've gotten was a nightmare. I didn't enjoy it at all.

I felt really out of place, so what I did was, I slowed down...just took my time and browse. I'm really glad because I manage to find 3 books that I have been wanting to get. Well sort of, 2 of them was something I've been wanting to read. I was getting dizzy, so many books, so many writers and I have to narrow my choice. I was partially searching for male writers too, most of my books have been written by female writers, it's time I go for something different.

Being alone the whole day outside is totally different than being alone the whole day inside the your own home.

Being the a person who thinks too much and worries too much...that day got me thinking(duh!)

I guess in the end, it doesn't matter if you are alone, it's basically up to us. How we want it to be? How we decide to deal with it. In the end it is all up to us.

To many thoughts are running through my mind right now and I'm lazy, I'm sleepy, it's boring to read so many words in a blog and I want to get back to my book =)

so, bye for now!

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