I guess I am not where I want to be yet. I thought I'm at least feeling better but just when I start to talk, it all came back to me again. Heart rate increases and tears welling up in my eyes.
Damn, why the hell is it so tough? After that, I would go into mantra, repeating it over and over again to persuade myself that I will be okay and persuade myself to go all out and be crazy. Nothing will stop me and the only thing holding me back is just myself.
Yeah, I persuade myself to believe that. Geez, I definitely don't sound like a young and enthusiastic person.
Just this week I started dreaming. Started dreaming about how I would like to see myself in the future. Well not too far off in the future, before starting my career or at least going to begin my life in the working world. I dare not venture too far into the future with my imagination. That was when I was younger, watching loads of romantic comedy and all the princessess fairytales. Dreaming of Prince Charming. Haha.
Now I'm dreaming to go somewhere far away, out of this place and meeting new people. I really hope I could be more out spoken and more expressive. I still don't dare to make new friends face to face. Like to go up to a person and say "Hi, how are you?"..not to just any person of course. To a complete stranger, I mean of course not to a complete stranger, to a person who might be a new friend.
Dreams that take you away from reality for a short moment. Dreams that allow you to be who you dream to be. hahaha
Gotta snap back into reality soon. College is starting in a few days.
She said, she will be brave. She will not be afraid to get hurt. She will be confident. That's what she told me. That's what I want to believe and I believe she will be able to do it and she will be able to make it.
I miss my friends terribly..
Are you guys reading this?? I miss you all..T_T
Now I sound cheesy, corny, mushy, nostalgic and over sentimental...*gahhhh* but it's true. I miss you all.
high school mates, college mates (one of the things I look forward to next week. hehe can't wait to see you all again =D) friends around...