Free running emotions

Dear blog,

The weather is so freaking hot today. Right now my heart is beating really fast and I can't seem to solve it. I can't filter my emotions. I want to expand my mind. I don't want to think so much. Is that possible?

I don't know is my frustrations are caused by the unfavourable weather. Sometimes I don't really like that my emotions depended on the weather. Sometimes I would like to be energetic and happy the whole day. I wonder what would I be like if I don't think so much. If I were less like how I am right now.

*what on earth am I talking like this for?*

I wish I have a bf. Not for fun...but to share all these little parts of my life with. haha don't we all wish for that? I hope I didn't sound desperate. But then, after hearing and seeing failed relationships.. how guys treat girls...You kinda get tired of it and wish they never existed. haha the debate goes on.

But with the on going hectic schedule, where got time to get in a relationship? When assignments start pouring in, you won't even have time to take care of your own appearance let alone your bf.

omg. why do I sound so sad leh? *slaps own self!*

haha. Don't tell me you don't think of wanting to find your the other half before..

This is going to be a long post. I'm feeling tired when I'm not suppose to. So I'm going to type out what I feel to clear my head for a bit. Mind you, the purpose I have this blog is so I can share and release my emotions plus it's less tiring if compared to writing.

I really want to move out right now. I get so lazy when I'm home. It's frustrating, I need to be more discipline. *this weather is killing me!!*

So many things are bugging me. I wish I can just be irresponsible and just ignore it.

I'm worried that Interior Design is not suitable for me. Sometimes I feel that I have no talent for it. Feel like I'm not meant for Interior Design. Is there such thing? What if all these things I feel, about me wanting to do Interior Design, being able to design something beautiful, thinking that ID is somewhere I belong...what if all these turns out to be lies? What will become of me? Will I be nothing? I have always believe that I was meant to leave a mark or make my life memorable. I'm having fears. The questions are haunting me.

I know I shouldn't do this to myself. It's really unhealthy. I should be brave and just embrace it! Probably after writing this, I hope I could open up my mind a little bit more and see things clearly.

I need to keep telling myself that this is what I want and that I'm willing to go through whatever hardships it takes in order to succeed. *I really hope I'm not brainwashing myself for all the wrong reasons*

I need to dig out my passion for ID. I know it's somewhere around, burried under all this stress and pressure.

hmm...I'm not a fan of plush toys...but I've been craving for one. I'm craving for Coco Man. The doodolls range. hehe at first when I saw was kinda weird, but in a very cute and interesting way. Coco Man represents Gemini. =P

hehehe...I want Coco Man.

It's so weird, I've been wanting it since I was form 5 I think. Everytime I had the chance to buy it I just brush it off. Instead I bought 2 other types for 2 different people and for 2 different occasions! T_T

I want my own Coco Man. =P

Sigh, like a kid lar me. I miss staying out with friends. Because we're all taking the same course, going through the same dilemma etc etc.

ok. Got to go back to work. If possible I plan to stay awake. There is much to complete..and yesterday I already slept like a pig.

with love =)

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