Be the Tea

Again I cried.

Again I hurt someone.

Again I feel like I let myself down.

Again I feel incapable.

Again I feel insecure.

Again I feel stuck.

I read something really meaningful yesterday and tears just came out from me just like that. I haven't even reach to the most important part and there I go. Crying...

I really admire my friends. To be able to stay so far and cope with all these "harshness". I wonder how they do it. To be so strong to face whatever they have to face.

To be honest, I don't know why so many things are bothering me. To the point when, no matter how much I sleep I will feel tired. I cry easily. I don't feel like eating.

I fear something horrible is going to happen to me. But thats not what I'm afraid of...I'm afraid of the feeling that I want something horrible to happen to me. To feel the real pain.

I'm really sorry that I have to hurt someone's feeling. I only hope that the other person will feel better. I don't dare to hope so much on my behalf. Because I know if I hoped too much, in the end the pain is beyond words.

I have to be the tea. I don't want to be the egg or the carrot. I want to be the tea.

Life isn't really so bad. Just have to know how to play your way around it. Not everything has to be straight. That is what I'm starting to realise. Open your eyes a little bigger. Open your mind a little wider. Let your heart welcome new experiences but just remember to be our ownself.

but it's easier said than done isn't it? =) Just gotta try.

toodles!