So fast it has been a week.
In about 10 days in Chinese New Year~ yay =)
I don't really have this overly excited emotion for it. Maybe it hasn't come to me yet.. But I am feeling happy about it. I want to get excited!!!
But right now...I have this twisted knot type of feeling. I'm not feeling sick, but it's just sometimes when you feel uneasy, weird and just don't know what is bothering you! I'm having that feeling now.
rawrrrr...why am I feeling like this right now? =(
And i feel like I want to talk to someone about it..but who do I talk to? and how to I begin? I don't even know what caused this feeling in the first place!
I guess that's why we have blogs. To express as much as we want...because it is published on the net, it gives us a feeling like we are being listened to. It's like talking to someone. But whether or not there really is a someone we won't know lar. I know blogs without pictures are kinda boring, and when you see a post that is full of words, you would just tend to glance to through it or not bother at all. I know, cuz sometimes I do that too!
To say, to do without being held back. Sometimes I wish I am able to do that. Trying.
I am happy, but sometimes I'm afraid that I will ignore my true feelings. Like if I'm sad or frustrated...I don't want to keep feeling happy that it seemed fake to me. But then again, I don't want to feel negative all the time. Because who likes to be around negative people? Where is the productivity in that?
Every time I drive myself home, I have to be honest, I'm tired. Everyday I am tired, maybe it is just me and also because of the long distance. Everyday I tell myself to be positive about it. Think positive thoughts. But once in awhile...like just out of no where, I get frustrated about it. I'm tired of feeling so helpless when I get home. I'm tired of not being able to push myself to do my work because I feel tired. I'm tired of having to sleep late because I had to do my work and having to wake up extra early for the next day just to avoid the jam because I don't want to be late to class. I always have to think twice, I always have to calculate ahead of time. Sometimes I just wish I am able to just wake up a little later and still have ample time to get to college.
But I have to tell myself to be positive. It's okay if I feel frustrated. Everybody gets frustration.
Don't get me wrong. I am not ungrateful or angry. I'm just tired. After typing all these, I can guarantee that I will feel a lot better. I don't really see the point of complaining to other people about this kind of thing because what can they do? There is a reason why I am staying so far...It's just a matter of time, I already have the solution.
I have to stop a bad habit! PROCRASTINATION.
my biggest enemy at the moment. =( I have to learn how to overcome that nasty habit.