hmmm

Went to college.Walked damn a lot..phew..so tiring. I kinda like our new classrooms. The see through glass doors are kinda cool and yet not so cool cuz, NO FREAKIN PRIVACY..


I mean..What if one of us were to make a blunder or behave in a very "obscene and only meant for classmates to see "way and suddenly other classes just so happen to walk by! GASP!!! so embarrasing! omgosh...no privacy at all.. I know why some of them don't like the design at all, its actually because it was designed by our ID lecturer... heh.


I'm not sure lar.. In a way I think it's pretty cool...oh well. Anyway, all I did was dotting..I'm finally done with it. FINALLYYY...I should have used a thicker point tip..blarrghhh..I was "too smart" ..I used 0.1 tip..which kinda took me forever to finish. But its okay..I'm finally done and the outcome is amazing. Doing this whole dotting thing today made me get my "working mojo" back! I feel like doing all my work but I can't because I'm wayyy too exhausted.


I'm so glad to have went back to college. I didn't know how much I missed my college mates until today! I was miserable until today. When I saw Adrien, Pearl and Luppy..My day just suddenly became so good...and then...Nelson,Jern and Annie turn up! Almost a complete class...*all smiles*


Such an interesting day thats all I have to say. Fetched Adrien back! We're gonna car pool..awesome..I got a buddy to chat with on the way back! weeee~


Today is also quite an unbelieveble and sad day.


ugh what am I trying to say??!!


Well the thing is, I haven't really have the guts to face death or I don't really know how to deal with death. At times I don't accept and understand it at all and at times I just ignore and accept that, that's the way life is.


Earlier this week, my parents told me that my uncle might move on this week...He can't eat and can only drink. He's having cancer and it has spread to his liver...


Well today, he passed away. Dad called me while I was in college, saying that I'm going back to Penang tomorrow. I thought I'm going back there to visit and probably see him for the last time. But little did I know that when my dad called me, my uncle had passed away. When I reached home, my mum told me. I had no feelings at first, it had not registered in my mind or atleast I did not really feel the impact as I have not kept contact with my uncle for quite some time. I'm pretty distant with my relatives.


But now..It is starting to hit me... I getting scared all over again. I never liked death. My whole life I have only attended 2 funerals both which are my grandmothers'. Since then, I avoid ALL funerals until now. I think I am at an age where I should understand and accept death. But no I can't..it is just too simple and yet too hard for me to deal with.


Emotions are starting to run through me. Sometimes I feel so heartless, now I feel so helpless. What am I to do? I never ever want to loose anybody who is close to me. Never. But life is harsh sometimes. I can't accept that everyone has to go. I can't accept dying. What am I to do?


Am I going to cry tomorrow? How will I feel?


oh my gosh..


sometimes I wish I never grow up. I wish I never knew...I wish I wasn't here.


May my uncle rest in peace. I hope my aunt/godmother is doing ok. I hope everyone around me is okay.
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