Its time to face the music

I didn't do anything wrong. =)

I don't dislike music. I actually love music... Well not sure if I like it that much to say I love it. I like the piano. Sometimes I adore it. I may not be very good at it but I'm working on it. But I'm not working as hard as I should be. I have to practice, I want to practice and yet I just don't want to do anything about it.

So ignorant of me. Its not like I don't practice at all. I do practice but not very long or not a lot. =(

I'm having grd 8 exams next year. I don't feel like taking it. But the thing is.. I need to take it. If I don't take it, my so called highest certified qualification would be grade 5 and that would really suck. Besides that, I don't want to quit either. I want to do something and committ to it. From beginning to end.

I feel like such a quitter especially when I didn't complete my ballet and taekwondo. I think I loved ballet more than taekwondo. The school I went to, the teachers weren't so professional. Don't get me wrong..they were good! Ethics issue. Mum wasn't too happy about it. But I wondered why she didn't send me to another school. I think it was because she didn't want my feet to get all those blisters. Aww thanks mum but I feel like I should have continued. I loved dancing a lot.

Taekwondo..haha I was the one who wanted to learn. I made it till brown 2 or I think they call it red 2? I was that close to getting a red black. Thats like a junior black belt. But I hurt myself and after a long while I just didn't want to continue. The gap in between was just too big and I felt awkward. Taekwondo wasn't very good lar.. I didn't really learn how to defend myself. I just learn the moves but they never really taught us how to apply it in real life. But it was definitely a good workout!

Now I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this piano issue of mine. I have thought of quitting before, long long time ago. But my mum insisted that I stayed on...and then I changed to my current teacher. Because of that I love piano more. But now... I don't know what is up with me. Committment issues?

I want a short break from piano classes. Just to work on my practicing. I don't want to disappoint anyone and I definitely don't want to feel like I can't do it.

I need to solve this "thing" I'm feeling now. boo!

the other part of me just want to say....

You have got to learn to stop putting a mountain of stress on yourself. You're going to break any moment. Learn to handle the stress. It feels like you're tearing yourself apart. Can't you feel like your body is telling to stop this? You're punishing yourself mentally and emotionally , that's worst than physical pain. You almost had a breakdown the other day in the car. I know you feel like crying now because I can feel the tears in your eyes. Be strong. Please be strong. Don't give up just like that. I know you have felt like giving up a few times but look how far you have come.

this stress thing. Look how it is eating you up inside. I know you can feel it. I feel it too. I am feeling it now. Please be strong and go through it. Learn how to overcome it.

Hang in there. You know you have yet to show what you're capable of. I know that deep down inside you know you can do great things. I know you want to share with everyone something great. You have that desire. So don't back down now. Please don't. I don't want you to give up yet. Don't leave this world just yet, not until you feel that you have achieved whatever that is you want. Don't give up without a fight. Win this battle of emotions.

its tough. But be strong. Do it for the people you care, for the people who cares about you ; your family, friends, people who supports you and most of all do it for yourself.

Hang in there.
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