flood

I'm so weak. How am I ever going to stand up for myself or take care of myself?


I don't know why there is a sudden flood of emotions. I'm just done crying. Don't know for what reasons. I'm scared. I feel like such a failure. I must do better. I must. This is how I push myself to the brim until I am so stress out that I cry. I'm not doing anything now but I keep on thinking how much I need to excel. Damn I want to be good so badly. I can feel like people are judging me from every angle. Even from my own family members. Is this the result of my insecurity? Wait, I'm not done crying. I have only just begun. I hate myself at this moment now. Is like I'm capable of nothing, I feel so useless. I dislike everything about myself right now. I feel so horrible, inside and out. I really need to pull myself together.


I feel like such a disappointment to my family.


I feel like such a disappointment to my piano teacher.


I feel like such a disappointment to myself.


endless disappointments.


I know no one can help me but myself. I'm just at this really dark corner now and trying to figure out a way to pull myself out of it. All these emotions are so overwhelming its crazy. Do I need professional help? All I can think about is how badly I've done. How far am I from my aim/target/goal.


I can't imagine my future. I can't feel it. I only see black painting. An empty frame.



violetcraze~