urgh. shit I am so damn exhausted. Working and learning how to drive plus my recent relapse addiction to anime...I know its common to think that looking after kids is easy peasy. Everyone is making fun of me...not funny to keep teasing okay...enough is enough...Don't call me sensitive.

I'm like on frustration mode. ARRRGGGHHHHH I pretty much bottle up my feelings. Yes, I am a emo, sensitive, paranoid, rigid freak. So what. I don't freaking care at this moment. I'm just so tired of everything. I love to be in on everything and yet I love being a loner. I love solitude and being away from everything.

I hate not having the time to do things and yet when I finally got the chance I procrastinate.....I hate the 'slacker' feeling and yet I am always slacking. I hate to make mistakes. I want everything to be done properly. I always follow the rules until one day I was told to 'chill'. Fuck man. somehow everything seems to be my fault or its because of me...oh this is messy , must be me...ohh this is dirty, must be me...ohh someone forgot to do this, must be me...YEA RIGHT. Not everything is because of me okay?! I'm always the main suspect...yea its funny to joke about with it. BUT what about my feelings?

sigh..basically I'm still content. Its not like I have tons of secrets hanging on my back...

I feel apart from my friends. Its not like I don't try but whenever I do its like I'm not acknowledged. The things I have done for them...or maybe I been too nice? or maybe I've been to cold. Maybe I have been too much of a 'goody two shoes'? nah I don't think I was that good. It hurts me so much. Thats the pain I felt. Not being acknowledge. Sometimes that is why I prefer to be alone...lone ranger...

underneath it all bears all the sorrows and painful past that cast a shadow over me. one day I hope to be released of all those memories. To start anew...


violetcraze