just a lil more than usual

I had to help my parents today. My brother had class today so it didn't really feel like a Sunday at all! But it is okay, although I felt like I needed a day off. Maybe the thought of looking after 15 children kind of wears me out or even scares me a little. I don't know whether I should give it a try first or tell her straight. I will see how tomorrow.

I am not used to waking up so early on Sunday but I still managed! BANGGA! hehehehe I have been waking up early for the past 4 to 5 days. I can wake up late tomorrow! so happy.

Mum and dad brought me to check out the place. I was so excited and my hopes where as high as Mt. Kinabalu...A lady told my mum that the place wasn't hard to miss. So we went, it was raining so heavily and when we reach there the rain has already subdued. Well, we couldn't find the place and when I managed to spot it my heart dropped, literally! I was so disappointed.

It was my last chance or at least the only hope I have left. Well at least thats the way I felt. I really feel like this is what I want to do. Anyway, after we went off, I was so silent but my dad manage to spot it. A new building. Bigger and better! I was relieved! I felt tons better but I dare not put TOO much hope into it as I was afraid I am only going to be twice as disappointed.

I am kind of having mix emotions. A lot of things going through my mind, my job...my studies...my family...I question myself like whether I am a good person with a good heart etc. I know it sounds as if I am being too hard on myself. But I can't help it, in my family everyone seems to be great. That is how I feel. My elder twin brothers are like great in almost everything they do. I feel as though I could never match up to them. That is a personal barrier that I have got to break.

Does learning art seemed like a failure? People's perception on art is quite disappointing at times. If a person get good results they are expected to study something glamorous.I am not going to give up without a try. What is there to loose? I already have a back up plan and I have further plans. I have got to stay focus! I can't afford to loose my head and screw up my priorities.

my mind now is like a foggy window. I need to wipe it clean so I can see things clearly. Keep it simple and just be yourself! Everything will fall into place.

muaxx!

violetcraze