frustration

I'm getting frustrated...

really frustrated with almost anything. I feel like snapping at anyone or anything. Is it because of the environment at my parents shop? or the fact that I am tired everyday? or maybe it is just my raging teenage hormones???
I need a break!!! But sometimes I feel whether is it necessary for me to take a break when my parents have to do this every single day and other people like my brothers whom are already working and earning a living. I can't just come and go whenever I please. At times I feel so selfish and I am utterly appalled by my own emotion and desires. I have to learn how to be more responsible to the things that I made myself committed to. Pretty soon I'll be off to college in another state and I have to look out on my own by then. No more parents to protect and guide and soon after that I have to earn my own living. The fact that I am scared or growing up somehow is not making me feel any better in any way. Yes, I am excited for new adventures and new challenges but I am afraid, afraid whether would I be able to handle any of these...

Afraid of growing up...ridiculous things to say I have to admit because every second we are growing. By tomorrow I would have grown in some way. The future is scaring me. I want it so badly as in to achieve my goals and yet I am ever so afraid of it. I am afraid of drastic changes..emotionally.. all the ''what if's'' come as they please into my mind. I am afraid too loose the things I love and hold most dearly to my heart. I am not ready for that. The thought itself is enough to make me cry. I want to accept death as a nature of life so badly and yet I am still too afraid to do so. I cannot possibly find a way to accept it even countless times I have been "reassured".

Apart from that, I am proud of my parents and they continue to amaze me. Sometimes I wonder would I ever grow up to be nearly as great as they are now. Am I capable of being like them? Being able to think in a different way than most parents and always thinking of the children and what is best for them. I am in awe. It is such a mystery to me.... As I was saying earlier that I am feeling frustrated for god knows why...My bets are on the environment of my parents shop. I am not used to it. By environment I mean the people that come and go. Majority are very rough and rude. No wonder my parents get mad easily...

It is so disturbing! almost everyone are so barbaric....Not so dramatic lar...but I feel so barbaric if I were to be like them...Sometimes I am shock when my parents act a certain way or start saying rude "phrases". I hate the fact that I find my parents slightly influenced by the type of people who come in and out of the shop. They can't help it...they see them EVERYDAY as I am now...I am not insulting the people I see everyday. But I was not brought up in that manner. Of course I feel uneasy. Plus I am a person who really dislikes people who are rude/rough.. That is life...I have to face it either way. Better now than later because I would learn more and learn how to judge people and not make mistakes. I think it is okay to feel all these...as long as we keep learning and improving.


Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for. David Starr Jordan


growing up,
violetcraze~


p.s
growing up is a tough job whether we realise it or not.the important thing is that we try and then we learn from it.
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