whats with december...

my life has been like a roller coaster ride for this month...just like the theme park rides that I've sat in Genting. Yes, I just came back from Genting just 2 days ago. Its ancient history now. I don't want to talk about it. I only want to talk about happy memories...if you ask me about other stuff I would just ignore!

I feel as though I am stuck in a tangled web. It is just so messy and frustrating! So I guess this is how life after SPM feels like...A WORLD OF CONFUSION!!! I mean I have been having fun! No worries. Now all I have to think about is my future right? I know I told myself that i am not going to go to form 6...but you know what? I might change my mind. urgh....you see how messed up i feel right now?

One thing about me is that I am considered a private person. Seriously, so I absolutely effing hate it if anyone meddles into my business and forces me to do what i don't want to do. I have got enough on my hands already. It's bad enough i have to face the suspicion i have and now i confirmed that my suspicion is TRUE. Fuck...I am bloody depressed. Through out my whole blogging experience this is only the second post where i have cursed... This is how mad i am. I can't just tell this to anyone...

All the promises made...I can't break my promise but I don't want to break my own heart either. But what the hell...It's already been broken today. So is it my own doings that caused it? Or fate has made it this way as a sign to tell me to start over. Stop reminiscing about the past and just get on with the future. Ohh you have no idea how badly i wish for that.

At the moment, prom is kind of a distant date waiting to be approach. Before this, even though I wasn't all superbly excited for it I was still looking forward to it. But right now I don't even feel like it.. Gosh.. I am letting my emotions taking control of me. Get a grip! I feel like putting myself to sleep and never to wake up until i can be happy.

What is with me!!!!???? All these past post have been very depressing. I hate depressing!!! Please don't ask me. DON'T question me and don't judge me. You don't know me well enough to judge me..who are you to say what is right and wrong and who are you to tell me what i should do! who are you to meddle....

argh...I'm sorry. I ever sorry. All my outburst is to an imaginary figure. it is a faceless figure. No identity. Its purpose is to allow me to express my frustration when i have no where to go to. I'm really sorry.

Please allow me to cry. Allow me to cry and go to sleep so i can wake up and start over. Please let me cry to forget cause i don't think i want to remember.Let me cry to cross that bridge.

Let me cry,

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