wow I am so TIRED!!! plus my hands smells like mushrooms...I can't seem to get the smell off. I'm going scrub them again later. I think my blood pressure is low.Every time when I bend/squat down when I stand up I kind of get dizzy and my vision kind of blurred. I hate it when that happens, it always makes me feel like I am going to pass out.

Helped my mum with CNY preparations, I don't think I helped much. I am still trying to get over it. It gets harder at times, I think my dad suspects something wrong with me..I assured him I am fine although the truth is I'm not. Everyday there will be moments where I feel like crying. I was snappy at my mum today. Sooo not good. I should not have done that. Another guilt blanket put over me. I don't know how long I can take it. I might just give up...but I don't want to! I really need to something to help me get through with this.

Going to give myself some spa time later. I really need it. I am feeling so stressed out and so tired all the time. I am not happy for the longest time. I am not happy for CNY either. I just dislike it. I really am not in the festive mood. I better perk up!!! I shouldn't be so hard on myself should I? I have done my best in some things and I should not keep punishing myself. But I somehow feel I deserve it. Geez I'm going mad here!



Every tear shed proves that my heart can still feel,
My mind says pull the plug and end it all,
My heart questions my mind,
Every time my heart wins but even my heart knows,
One day my mind will conquer it all.

Before my mind conquers me and ends it all,
Hope is I could embrace the world,
So I could end as graceful as a swan dancing in the moonlit water,
Taking a bow before the curtains fall,
Sorry and thank you is all I can think of now.


violetcraze~